21

To some perhaps birthday is a wonderful  day not to be missed, a day special only to you where you were born, remembered and acknowledged by others. They cheered as you grow with the crowd you belonged in, one year had passed it seemed.

To me however I did not see it any different than Wednesday simply because, despite how I wanted others to know and care, without the help of Facebook and a handful of people actually knowing the date, no one else would wish me if they had not seen anyone wished me on my wall. Sad isn't it? No.

Since young, granted such powerful memory able to quickly remember others' name and their birthdate, often time I felt sad when people forget about mine.. Since last year I could not care anymore..

It was a surprise this year that some actually made me a pizza and daughnaughts with strawberry topping, despite feeling grateful deep within me I knew it was actually one of them remembering it and suggested the idea to others..

21 years old am I now, haven't been able to accomplish anything yet, I had hopes for myself though.. I wonder where will I be next year, and who are my crowd..

Blame and Flame

Some days after my anger ebbed away, but it still bothered me until now. I confirmed that I was not at fault, but what done is done. It was well clear the idea to ride on one's back did not came from me, yet because of one fall he changed into another...... Boy.

Of hearing that shout, I blurred out of words not knowing that to say, if he'd knew a little more about Physics, he will my pulling of LB's pants will not cause the fall. I got blamed for being childish, in front of them, in front of 3 girls, worst still, amongst them, was my crush..

The air came crushing down when I saw the 3 of them, needless to say I can read it from their eyes they had absolutely no idea what had just happened, perhaps random hypotheses of me being the sole cause for the accident after hearing his accuses so loud.

Needless to say, I apologized in hoping he could calm his nerves, aloud. But girls don't usually catch this fact, I had just made things worse by apologizing, as they thought I was the one at fault. He said sorry pretty softly shortly afterwards, but it does not matter anymore..

JK, one of the witness, perhaps the one most understanding, immediately called for everyone to just go home instead. I, out of frustration and grief tailed them home. I let the wind cover my tears that night, out of a sudden I felt really lonely, because, no one even bothered to talk to me. He played it smart, seizing the opportunity he accompanied every one of them, effectively using me as a stepping stone, soaring heights.. So much for people who wanted easy friends the fast way..

Accompanying me that night was a Budweiser I bought earlier that day, how funny it was to see me holding one can that soon..

I leaped up from the swing and traced back home, it was funny he came in front of me, perhaps he had words, but sometimes when ego and pride went ahead, one wouldn't just lower one's head, let alone to a senior.. I drank and walked and cried.. Had been awhile since I shed tears for such pathetic friendships.. Soon Perhaps it was that awkwardness that stopped him from following me back to our dormitory.

I couldn't sleep, but SS was there when I needed her.. Funny she had a group of juniors with her but at least they knew how to respect their senior..

But it all did not end that way, even now it was so hard to catch a glimpse with my crush.. Yet when seeing them talking and smiling like nothing happened, I believe that's the signal from God to stop trying.. An inner person she is, yet if I were to have a PVP with her she wouldn't even stand a chance..

Perhaps,
I tried too hard bringing myself low down to their level, I tried too hard to be funny with this God given talent, I tried too hard bringing myself up close to them so they felt comfortable them, and I tried my best to savor these precious times we spent together..

But,
one quote I found true from The Walking Dead, "when you care about someone hurt is part of the package", it just fit my shoe perfectly..

Much like DotA, blames and flames when things went wrong, no one cared if things went running the way it should..

I knew myself well enough I would let others' shape me into whom they feel comfortable with, but it seems like it's up to myself now..

Well definitely more challenges awaits me in this path, but....... It's only 1 month and a half..

"Puts on mask"

In the end I actually care...

Another night where I could not sleep as I reveal myself to the series of events that happened as I stepped into the Japanese Language Centre. It had been 5 month since..

Often times I hear people say I offer more than I can receive, which is true to some. But as I kept myself this way, it seemed more like a play doll for those whom I lent my hands. Until recently I made my own list and I eventually felt dumb..

I remembered mother saying that one should help out of obligation and make it one's practice.. She's right in that way, but I wonder what those people who got helped think of it? To those bunch I mentioned earlier I believe they felt like it was mandatory at all.

Reason for this is just to remind myself to stop thinking and go to sleep actually, because of my nature perhaps I'm thinking things too far, as often times I'm being hurt over and over again for not being careful..

人によって考え方も違う。

Cats

I remembered that in the past I wasn't a good fan of cats, to make matters worse thanks to daily science I understand that they clean themselves every now and then with their tongue thus cats hate baths, that's how I couldn't put away the thought that they were dirty no matter how hard they clean themselves..

Until I met her, and as far as I remember, we're still young back then but her love for little animals startled me. I dare not even touch a domestic cat in fear that they bite and give me diseases..

That ended when she pulled me to it, close enough for my fingers to feel its fur. It was a white cat in our classroom as far as I can remember, and before it made the teacher's desk its home, we took out the drawer, stuffed in old newspaper strips and even those polystyrene ropes, tear them so fine it's fluffy for it to stay there for long.

Days later it conceived and gave birth to kittens, but it trusted us to touch its babies... What a sight then! Though we did not feed them, the mother somehow get them food and, after the holidays, they were nowhere to be seen..

After a long walk by the Korean Alley near Shinjuku we made it to a pet shop where the shopkeeper had a Russian Blue in it, and even the Bengal 'Tiger-wannabe'. A golden retriever, bulldog and a monkey in it, but I just don't feel like showing how much I want them as companions.. I wish I worked there...

Speaking of cats we have Jia Tian, perhaps she took herself like one of them, not forgetting my Biology lecturer Mr Agas, cat fanatics.. I heard him growl before...

I had a dream to build a home with cats and dogs living under it, I wonder when will I see it fulfilled.

It's been awhile, or has it?

One month since I landed on the land of Sakura, and had since I started my new journey. I wonder what may change in a year's time? 

Everything went well over here despite occasional earthquakes that can scare shit out of one, but these things happen, do they?

3 months of intensive Japanese back at LUJEC, I remembered it all as if it was yesterday, of how I started talking to them despite the fact that I wanted to be alone, who I am, or what my real personalities, I cannot recall anymore.

Now that the Golden Week has ended, more things are to be learnt, and so have I set my mind straight. Often times these little things do bother me, that same old dilemma to decide what's good for me and which not.. And even now that torments me most, is something I wish to keep only to myself...

Nevertheless it's my studies that I'm after, what God permit, want and allow me to do, I wonder what they are?

Perhaps time will tell like anything else? Or was this the real me?

Recollection again.

It was December 23 when it all started..
Sunny morning, that busy Chinatown where everyone sprung back to work from their slumber,
Alone and on my way, thinking it might be a bad move to answer my instinct,
I knew from the bottom of my heart there is no return.

Up the lift I went,
Nine O'clock it came,
Strangers were we then,
For I didn't know your name.

T'was quite awkward back then, for I have not spoken much,
yet I replied with much rudeness when asked for my nickname,
as I had yet to learnt the right way.
Both teachers stared at me with awe,
"who could have taught him that", I can tell that from their faces.

Class started with the basics,
Learnt it, I thought of helping them translate.
His way of using English is beyond my imagination, it was splendid.
Sim Le was the first I met, a Mapler like me, we had something to talk on.
Recess went on well together, albeit the small group, I enjoyed his company.

At one had we returned,
Studies must still be continued.

Many more to write about, but I guess I'll just leave it as it is for now..

Drenched

I have no idea when it started but yesterday was really hazy, to the extent I couldn't see any further than several metres away.

It's been awhile since it rained. At hazy hot times like this it's surprising to the government took action to make it rain. Yes, artificial rain!

On my way back from Sunway with dinner safe and secure in my waterproof bag, I walked my way home in the rain.

Knowing my phone is waterproof I finally get a chance to feel what Mother Nature intended us to feel, with the cold breeze brushing through my step, each step was emotional. Rustling of the leaves as I thread the avenue, despite drenched it felt good..

Curiously I stuck my tongue out for a taste of the rain, it tasted salty, so I thought it's the salt solution they poured onto the clouds to enhance cloud formation.

It was a short walk, very soon did I reach home, dried my garments and went for a bath!

Wonderful day that was.

Went on a feels trip..

A good day starts with a smile, I thought so, at least since I came here, perhaps it was fated.. I knew too much, to the point it broke me down.

Not the first time though, but it was funny I felt this way. It was long ago back then, I wonder why it stroke me deep this time.

I was a weird person to start with, never took chances to compete or rob others of their 'belongings', my aim I prioritized at things I love to do. This weird feeling brought me down, I couldn't sleep yesternight, it was a long night, I cried yet no one saw it perhaps only Marcus knew about it.

What was happening? I took off my ring in hope for a change days ago, yet yesternight I was like a child, knowing maybe it was hopeless to make any move perhaps for now unless miracle happens, I wore it again.

Crushed.

What to do next?

Outing with Jeremy and the gang!

Since Jeremy will be going for a trip to Japan, we organized a trip to Time Square! Ah long day after school as usual, we managed to survive the day until 6 where we gather our pack and journeyed to TS, it was a long walk but thankfully the hot Sun called it a day and let us walk under our long shade.

As we arrive of course our always hungry Fang wanted for some Takoyaki, we then went for it, funny though my stomach had room for more, even though it's just 4 they are really satisfying and tasty!

Forth went us to the Arcade as planned, wow! Jeremy played the 'washing machine music game like the boss! I only beat him 1 song out of the 4.

Surprisingly Minami knew her dance moves at Dance Revolution, like my Xbox and Kinect but its songs are usually Japanese, but unfortunately I unable to record everyone then.

太鼓, the drum game OMG, I blistered my thumb hitting so hard on it with Jackie but we only made it to second stage hahaha those were epic moments.

Taiki (Sim Le) on his Jukebox, taping like a pro on that machine, it was really an eyegay.

No idea what others did but I'm pretty sure everyone had fun then..

Dinner! Had it inside that we-don't-know-what restaurant inside the shopping complex but the food tasted so so. I was really full so I didn't had much. Curry was good!

Out of complete boredom our gang just made random 'fabulous' pose and we had some good laugh! Those passersby thought we were crazy doing that xD what a sight.

Time wasn't on our side and so we parted ways in front of Hang Tuah station. I went via LRT and bus while the rest beelined home.

A wonderful day indeed! I'll hope I get some good rest today for the challenges to come tomorrow! Well it's really fast. With a blink of the eye there goes Beginner 1 for my course. What awaits tomorrow?

Till then!

May God guide my days to come.

Recovery - Recollection

It's been a long long week, I was not be able to be myself. My fever subsided, but I had these tiny needle like rashes and they are itchy after some days! Those were really long days.. Well I did not go for a blood test in fear that prick may hurt a lot, seriously.. I'm 21 and it looks deadly, but thankfully I looked recovered..

I told myself then it's time to work on my homework now, but it seems like I'm still in the New Year mood.. With my sickness as the excuse, ah they are piling up like I had left them for ages..

Japanese from Aomori came to visit us, for that I believe it is another plan for school to make money. Who knows if they might have been 'fellow accomplice' in trying to sniff out our wallet as we arrive there. They are good people I reckon, I mean, they gave us dried apples. It's a bribery I suppose.

My usual day, dinner with Kim Chin, perhaps he's the only left after everyone went out pursuing their goals. Haven't heard of Wai Yen, Hoong Kor, Charlotte and Ying Bing after leaving for IMU and Sunway University. The rest of my DotA kaki Shao Hwa had trouble with his internet, Steven went to New Zealand, Tian Shun to UK and Daniel, who knows? Sigh time flies when we have fun, that was so true..

Often times I recalled days we cheered and shouted in FTZ. It was wild. TS on his bloodseeker and storm spirit, easily Ultra Kill before the opponent realize it. Daniel's tidehunter getting his ultimate stolen every time he casts it, Steven with his dumb nicknames like W@t3r_M3L0n and iMM@_HoNeyBee supporting like none other, almost a week he went to New Zealand and I'm missing his plays already. Shao Hwa, comic relief hahaha.. But at times he can be formidable, but they are the ones who can endure my tantrums often times after hard games and we still lost it..

Perhaps that conclude my week, but I still need a plan for tomorrow..

Sick, during the new year..

It's not surprising people said, the change of season followed by weather. But I wonder why a hot country like Malaysia is bound to that 'law of nature'.

Two days ago to my surprise it rained cats and dogs.. But it was no ordinary rain. It was what they called 'sun rain' or rain water that's actually hot because the sun was actually boiling it before it reach our heads.

There we have it, 2 hours of non stop raining, and the chilling wind struggling to dry our wet garments while we had our dinner at a hawker store, the merciless air conditioner during my LRT ride home, with my delayed bath, the next day as I woke up in the morning I felt uncomfortable all over my body.

It was minor when the class started, but soon the air conditioner is like picking a fight on me. Everyone else felt normal but I struggled to keep myself warm in the sweater my brother gave me. It was never a good feeling.. I took a light lunch and continued my day, in the evening I took an early off not joining Mr Loke's class as I sense something was amiss.

As soon as I reach home my body was burning, but I couldn't bring myself to Paracetamol, I tried to treat my fever with isotonic drinks and cooling drinks but it was so hot I warmed the drink under my bed in just minutes.. I slept for 4 hours without any ventilation but I kept myself hydrated, it was a hard day. My aunt and brother both went out till late and for dinner, I climbed downstairs like a zombie without legs just for the 4 pieces of bread my last drop of energy can afford.. Ah.. It took me longer just to chew them.. I felt so weak and powerless.. Probably Amanda can tumble me over with a light push back then..

After uploading the notes for the day I took and early rest. Brother came home at 12 with a pack of paracetamol in hands. If only his phone can be reached earlier I would've suffered less for sure.. I swallowed 2 and continued my sleep..

I woke early the next day due to all the sleep I had, and went to school as usual with my weakened body, thankfully I managed to drag myself there but the fever held me back, I felt drowsy and occasionally took naps between periods, but my teacher was quite understanding.. The day went on as usual but I only made it through half of the extra class due to the dinner yesternight.

It might be scary but I hope it wasn't something serious or life threatening, perhaps a couple of days of rest I'll be back to myself in no time!

Today, another day with the police!

Esther , funny enough today is my second time I came to the police station to accompany her... Ah why would people want to do such a thing! Imbeciles.. Suspect is 35 years old but know nothing about manners and self control...

Well definitely going to need a serving of 'ketchup' class afterwards but as we all know how efficient our police work, it will going to take awhile...

Thanks to Esther she treated us some drinks to cool ourselves down...

We went to the headquarters and all I can say about their working performance is - slow and repetitive.. They faked like we need to have guest pass to enter, like they are following their so called protocols..

In the end she settled it by her own hands and we took a taxi back to our school to regroup with Taiki and the gang for dinner. It was a long day and I had to ask others about the lesson that I'd missed, but in the end it was quite interesting to have a friend like this.

She took a night in the hotel upstairs with Fang's accompaniment while the rest of us parted ways back home..

A good day with course mates!

Ah Saturday, waking up was a hard thing for me, but my alarms and I really did out best today, and thankfully I made it in time, in fact arrived together with Esther. Yes! It's our gathering, cut the chase, we had lunch at Kim Gary, the food wasn't that good but we had a good time together.. The girls went on shopping for clothes while boys, no doubt, ARCADE!

Spent some good hours there and I bruised my fingers playing those music games.. In the end I tried fishing for more token but luck wasn't on my side.. Somehow catching them is so hard.. Meeting one pro drummer there, he played that Japanese drum game flawlessly, unlike us we are really 'tryhards'!

Soon after that we rejoined the girls. Unfortunately some wouldn't want to join us, so we went on to Karaoke. Comparing Neway with Redbox club we took the latter. How I wish I didn't tell them Esther did not bring her Student ID.. Aww... It was some long hours until 8, and we parted ways.

Mid valley was our next because Esther had to change money, but until 10 was our dinner served =( it was just plain KFC but at least someone suggested something..

A long wait before the commuter arrives, and the rest of us went out way. I took the LRT back but as I reached there, the bus was long stopped.. I had no choice but to get myself a taxi. RM22 after bargain, as they said it's already midnight. There I met a woman and she actually had the same destination as mine, but the taxi driver saw me attempting to split the pay he immediately threatened me. I accepted the offer and took the ride home.

Most expensive taxi ride so far, most Shopping malls visited in one day. Achievements unlocked!

I hope we can hang out again some time soon!

My tooth was chipped for no reason..

Ah perhaps the worst thing to notice after waking up early in the morning... But I'm still in New Year mood, how can I be sad about it..

Tomorrow everything resumes, meaning I have no chance to sleep late any more... Ah well, let's see what lies ahead tomorrow..

Perhaps I'll write less from now on, perhaps a post per week or when interesting things happen, playing DotA everyday doesn't seem intriguing to me in any way..

But yeah! The Year Beast releasing tomorrow, what else will I see?!

Till then!

Lou Sang and Fish! More fish!

My 3rd time having lou sang this year! The first time as far as I remember was because it was Salmon at Sakae Sushi, I couldn't resist myself =D Then the other 2, was with my family and relatives!

Ah superstitious but we just went on with it, hoping it bring us luck anyway. It was fun having dinner together, but some uncle's face looked as if it's better we do not join. I don't really care that much because the food was good..

It was a tiring day, and so will tomorrow to settle with my passport and stuffs.. It's getting late so I guess I'll stop for now..

It's always good to see them..

It's finally here!

The beginning of the year, starts with Spring, but in Malaysia it's a little different here as we have no four season, never mind that.

I thought I'd stop blogging for 2 days because there was no WiFi available nearby and those were some busy days.. Well, going around houses for Ang Pau, who wouldn't love money $_$

It was getting more quiet these days, perhaps the new generations were so busy of their life they are starting to neglect our new year. Who knows?

2 days in Ipoh, albeit short I still manage to see some of my cousins.. How I miss them =) Now that I'm back home, I couldn't wait to cuddle in my blanket.. It's another talk tomorrow! Too bad Vivianne went abroad ahh..

Nothing special actually, till then!

我需要心理医生吗？

有时候觉得写部落格有点好像精神分裂，不过其实也不是到后来给自己读？
有时候在想是不是找个人来谈谈人生事，会好过自我描述自己的人生点滴？

是学生又要读书学字，有很多人都认为读书时候最快乐，虽然累但是蛮快乐的喔。
这次用华文写部落格是想看看华文是否还能不能用。已经过了那么多年，怎么想大部分都已还会给老师了！

时间也不早了，不如明天再看看有怎样的一天在期待我吧！

Stomach must not be left empty!

Perhaps one day before CNY? Ah it was someone's idea perhaps our 'always hungry sister' Rui Fang to have an early dinner at Hakata Ippudo, Pavilion. It was scrumptious! The soup was so good we drank to the last drop, except for Jia Tian who went for rice, and Fang with her unusual condition that, no matter HOW GOOD THE SOUP IS, she never drinks.. We cri every tiem... Ah the food was really heart warming. It wasn't so bad to shop with them, luckily there isn't much to buy I guess, if not it could easily take more than just hours for girls to shop for clothes.. Yes, Sik How was there too, a very rare encounter. Tall as usual and unexpectedly thinner, much thinner.. It's funny I always went forth and hugged him as he wasn't paying attention every time I see him.

At Daiso Shu Wen went for a note pad if not mistaken, I'd expect the same thing for someone who can draw well =( That Matsuri Shop somewhere in Tokyo Street was where we got us our ice-cream! Priced at 6.99 I believe it's cheaper than most, especially when it tastes better! There, Shan and I went for Matcha while Jia Tian went for Milk. Shu Wen shared bites from us. It was a wonderful time..

Time flies when we had fun, Wen and Tian went back together as they are taking the same route, while I really took my good time thinking of what I should take to get back. It was then Fang reminded me I'm taking the same LRT.. That awkward moment there... With haste I tried to catch up with them but to no avail, eventually reaching the other side of the entrance where we see one another.

As I entered the monorail, only did I notice I should've taken the same train back to KL Sentral LOLOL Not only that, if not because of that transit to Kelana Jaya line at Bukit Nanas I doubt I'll be smiling so happily then.. DOUBLE FAIL. Though worn out and tired I still managed to drag my body up to that station and make my way back. It was long and shaky but I almost slept standing..

At Kelana Jaya Station, there's not much choice but lucky for me that day, the bus was already there. It took not long for me to board it. Eventually I fell asleep but unlike previous days, I woke just before I reached my destination.

With that fruit juice on my hand, I beelined back home!

Chinese New Year

3 days? Yes that's it! Chinese New Year! Long waited holidays and our ever popular Angpau, how can anyone miss it? In the blink of an eye, another year, gone. What awaits me ahead? No one knows... But that's interesting about it, no? I can't wait to see everyone again, hopefully this year round it starts good, as every year when we are gathered, definitely inevitable arguments and so on.. It's new year, are those necessary I wonder? Seriously, can't wait!

2014 first post getting late and worn out.

Years had passed, things had changed.. It's been a long time ago since I last blogged. It was my Japanese teacher, he asked if anyone run a blog online and I thought it's a good time to write about anything I do for the coming days, well no one cared anyway.

It took me one year to make up my mind to go overseas. Unlike anyone else I chose to go Japan. It's a very sudden decision after all these while. I'd decided to do something about my life.

In 2013 I worked and slacked and lazed around, it was then I realize it wasn't my money I'm spending and I ought to do something about it. Somewhere in mid October I took up an office job, worked for 2 months and found that working sucks.. Unfortunately money just don't fall from the sky, does it? Ah well..

Like any other human, I needed support too, for this big decision I made. Whether it came from friends or family it doesn't matter. What makes my journey funny is that, only 4 weeks had my first obstacle came. Yeah, surprisingly it came from my family. Talked about how bad it could be to study there. I haven't even started and things went smoothly so far, what does it take to encourage instead?

For those who knew me well, yeah definitely I'll just laugh it off since I don't really like competition amongst my kin. Why compare? Perhaps some people just want to crush others' self-esteem to feel content among themselves, I just don't get it..

Somewhere online, I found this quote:
When you've found a reason to walk away, never look back... Just keep walking. It's better to get lost moving on than to stuck and stranded broken.

Describes well that I should see to what lies ahead. At the very least it's my decision and I won't regret following my heart. He walks with me, what else should I fear?

Till then.